This morning I listened to Ted Roberts, the creator of the Conquer Series -The Battle Plan for Purity (for men). He spoke about how culture affects our thinking…think about
that statement, GoToGals.
Think about how you’ve been affected by cultural messages? Messages about who you are, who you need to be, what your worth is found in, what sex is, what it should be like, what’s its purpose, what being faithful means, what causes spouses to be unfaithful, how your needs are met or not met, how you are unhappy, what you need to be happy, how you deserve more, how your husband is a moron, why he strayed from you, how he is narcissistic jerk, and how you’d be better off dumping him…in
the interest of well-being.
THINK: what cultural messages have defined your beliefs, your
thoughts, and your actions?
No matter how pure you think you are, how innocent, how stupid, how naïve, or taken advantage of…no matter your thoughts, I think if you are truly honest and authentic, you can find cultural messages in your fibres that are skewed, destructive, lies about purity. They don’t align with God’s truth and they aren’t serving
Culture tells us the whole concept of purity, whether male or female, is archaic, stupid, denying the reality of how we are erotically wired, and well, just plain impossible.
Let’s take a moment to look Laura and Marc’s purity story! Laura and Marc received some really good parental guidance and strategies for setting healthy sexual boundaries and expectations before marriage; even so they both admitted they were influenced
by cultural narratives and pressures.
Both shared that they had begun to succumb in different ways. Marc with viewing porn and Laura with relenting to a kiss. Who knows how their story would have looked different had they not responded to the Holy Spirit’s promptings and made a decision
to pursue purity?
Marc quit viewing porn and Laura decided she was never going to marry someone who made her feel like she needed to kiss them
in order to win their affection.
Here are some key realizations Laura and Marc’s decisions did for them:
After kissing a girl, I realised, “As a male, I’m not a rational being when the hormones come into play"
Guys are very visual. When I viewed porn, I saw women as objects; now I see them as my sister, deserving of love and respect, and I can pray for them
When a girl kisses a man, the man holds her heart
It’s difficult to see clearly when your heart is held
When Laura and Marc began to explore the idea of marriage, they both agreed they did not want to even hold hands until they were certain, and even after they had committed to marrying one another, they were resolute that their first kiss
was going to be at the alter.
Sounds archaic doesn’t’ it? Well, what realizations did those
decisions do for them as a married couple?
Denying physical intimacy before marriage helped me to see Laura as someone to be cherished
Laura When the trust factor is low/insecure the result is fragile relationships; by denying physical intimacy, not even kissing, before marriage, my trust level for Marc is crazy high and I feel totally safe
One listener wrote: “What a difference there would be in families, our world, all relationships if couples, young & old, approached dating/courtship with the same conviction and practices that Marc & Laura utilized.”
Think: Would your marriage look different if you and your spouse had determined how cultural messages had shaped you, you’d had open conversations about your sexual pasts, you’d talked about the marital benefits of purity, and had a plan in place that would
help you keep your convictions?
Brian and I agree that our trust would have so much stronger and
cleaner had we had a plan in place!
If you have not listened to Laura and Marc’s story, I would encourage you to take the time now!